New Documentary Explores China’s Unique Approach to Infidelity

A new documentary titled Mistress Dispeller will debut in New Zealand next week as part of the International Film Festival. The film explores a unique service in China that addresses infidelity through the intervention of a professional known as a mistress dispeller.

The documentary, directed by Hong Kong-based filmmaker Elizabeth Lo, centers on the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Li from Luoyang, Henan province, along with the husband’s mistress, Feifei. According to Lo, the phenomenon of mistress dispelling has emerged in China over the past decade, responding to the needs of couples facing marital crises. She explains that for some men, having a mistress was historically seen as a status symbol, reflecting their success.

Lo highlights how this service provides an alternative for individuals who wish to remain in their marriages despite discovering infidelity. “It’s almost like a tool that oftentimes wives can use if they have resources to hire someone who can fight for them,” she stated. The aim is to resolve conflicts in a non-confrontational manner, allowing parties involved to maintain dignity and avoid “losing face.”

The documentary traces Lo’s efforts in finding a suitable mistress dispeller, ultimately leading her to a woman named Wang. Wang’s unique approach has allowed her to gain the trust of husbands, wives, and mistresses, facilitating candid conversations about infidelity. “She was able incredibly to get us access to husbands and wives and mistresses who were willing to be on camera because she had so much trust built with them,” Lo noted.

Wang’s background in psychology, stemming from her own experiences with infidelity in her family, has equipped her with tools to navigate these sensitive situations. Lo describes Wang’s role as similar to that of a family therapist, where she assumes a false identity—often posing as a long-lost friend—to infiltrate the lives of those involved in the love triangle. Through this guise, she gradually builds relationships with the spouses and their mistresses, ultimately guiding them to end the affair voluntarily.

Unlike other mistress dispellers who may resort to intimidation, Wang’s approach is rooted in empathy and understanding. “She really positions herself as this sort of couple’s therapist,” Lo explained. This method allows her to support all parties involved, even the mistress, fostering an environment where everyone feels heard.

Despite the stigma surrounding therapy in China, Wang’s work circumvents these barriers. Lo recalled, “She wouldn’t have been able to join a family as a family therapist—only under a false identity.” To ensure the documentary’s ethical considerations were upheld, the husband and mistress were not informed of the film’s true content initially. Instead, they were approached under the pretext of a broader exploration of modern love and dating in China.

Over a filming period of three to four months, the couple was shown the documentary and given a chance to reconsider their participation after learning about Wang’s role. “Thankfully, they were so gracious and unselfconscious,” Lo remarked, noting that their trust in Wang led them to agree to remain featured in the film.

Wang charges approximately US$20,000 to resolve a case, positioning her services within a lucrative niche market. Regardless of the ethical debates surrounding her work, Lo asserts that Wang believes in the positive impact she has on individuals navigating their personal crises, often shrouded in shame. “She positions herself and even in participating in this documentary, that sharing your private struggles publicly will help other people,” Lo noted.

The Mistress Dispeller will be screened in Auckland, Wellington, and Hamilton starting next week, offering audiences a compelling insight into the complexities of love, trust, and betrayal in contemporary China.