Holly Explores Friendzoning in the Search for Love

Holly, a resident of East Auckland, recently faced a challenging situation while navigating the world of online dating. After exchanging messages with a man on a dating site, she agreed to meet for a casual coffee, clarifying that she preferred not to get physical on first dates. The response she received was unexpected and harsh: “Forget it. I’ve got enough friends. I don’t let women friendzone me anymore. You birches are all the same, just out to waste my time.”

This encounter led Holly to contemplate the concept of “friendzoning,” a term that has garnered attention in dating culture. While many may be familiar with it, Holly introduced a new term during her reflections—“figzoning.” This concept, she explains, involves individuals who masquerade as friends but are primarily interested in a physical relationship. They remain in the friendship under the pretense of connection while waiting for the opportunity to turn it into something more intimate.

Understanding Friendzoning vs. Figzoning

Friendship, according to Holly, is a mutual connection that thrives on respect and reciprocity. It is the kind of bond that supports individuals during tough times and enhances joy during good times. In contrast, those who engage in friendzoning may not have the courage to express their true feelings. Instead, they linger in the background, hoping for a change in circumstances without risking rejection.

Holly asserts that genuine romantic relationships can indeed stem from friendships. Many couples she knows began as friends, with intimacy enriching rather than replacing their bond. However, she emphasizes that authentic friends would never impose the idea of being in the figzone on one another.

Figzoning, as Holly describes it, occurs when one party desires a physical relationship but is unwilling to maintain the friendship if their wishes are not met. This dynamic often leaves the other person questioning the sincerity of their friend’s intentions. “Spoiler: they don’t,” Holly notes, highlighting the objectification that can occur in such scenarios.

She references a poignant observation by writer Nicole Snow: “Girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.” While figzoning can happen to any gender, Holly points out that it is often more prevalent among women.

Reflections on Relationships and Connection

As Holly reflects on her experience, she expresses a mixture of frustration and sympathy for the man who sent her the rude message. She suspects that his claim of having “enough friends” may not be entirely truthful. “I feel a strange sort of ruth for the guy,” she writes, contemplating the insecurity that might lie beneath his outburst.

This exploration of friendzoning and figzoning resonates particularly as International Friendship Day approaches, a time to celebrate the meaningful connections in our lives. Holly’s insights serve as a reminder of the complexities of modern relationships and the importance of clear communication.

For those navigating the intricate landscape of dating, her reflections offer valuable perspectives on the boundaries of friendship and the importance of genuine connection. Holly encourages readers to be mindful of their interactions and to seek out relationships built on honesty and mutual respect.

Readers can share their thoughts or experiences with Holly by reaching out via email at [email protected].