Understanding Why Some Individuals React Strongly to Phubbing

A recent study has shed light on the emotional impact of “phubbing,” the act of snubbing someone in favor of a smartphone. Researchers, including Claire Hart and Kathy Carnelley from the University of Southampton, have discovered that not only does phubbing affect relationship quality, but individuals respond to it in varying degrees based on their psychological traits.

The research tracked 196 participants over several days, asking them to document how often they felt ignored by their partners due to phone use. The findings revealed a consistent pattern: individuals who felt more phubbed experienced lower relationship satisfaction, heightened frustration, and an overall decline in mood. This aligns with equity theory, which suggests that relationships flourish when both partners invest equally. When one partner is preoccupied with their phone, it can signal a lack of commitment.

Notably, individuals with different attachment styles reacted distinctively to phubbing. According to the 2025 study published in the Journal of Personality, those with higher levels of attachment anxiety—who often fear abandonment—were more likely to experience negative feelings when phubbed. These individuals reported increased resentment and lower self-esteem, and they were more prone to retaliatory behavior. Conversely, those exhibiting attachment avoidance, who tend to be uncomfortable with intimacy, did not see a significant drop in relationship satisfaction but also engaged in retaliatory actions, often by turning to their phones for validation.

The research also explored the role of narcissism in responses to phubbing. In a separate study conducted in the same year, Hart and Carnelley categorized narcissism into two types: narcissistic rivalry and narcissistic admiration. Individuals with higher narcissistic rivalry tendencies displayed lower self-esteem and greater anger, often escalating conflicts when feeling phubbed. In contrast, those with narcissistic admiration generally enjoyed higher relationship satisfaction and were more likely to address conflicts directly rather than retaliate.

Phubbing may seem trivial, especially in an age where smartphone use is ubiquitous, but its effects can accumulate, leading to feelings of exclusion and undervaluation in relationships. The researchers found that common responses to being phubbed included ignoring the behavior, expressing resentment, or confronting the partner about their phone use. A frequent reaction was retaliation—grabbing one’s own phone to regain a sense of connection or approval.

Three primary motives for this retaliation emerged during the study. Participants indicated that they sought revenge, aimed to find support from others when feeling neglected, or sought validation through social media interactions. While boredom was mentioned as a motive, it was far less common compared to the others.

The implications of these findings suggest that phubbing can create micro-ruptures in relationships, especially for individuals sensitive to signs of rejection. For those with attachment anxiety or narcissistic rivalry, phubbing can be perceived as a deliberate act of disregard, potentially igniting cycles of conflict and withdrawal.

For couples seeking to mitigate the negative effects of phubbing, establishing “phone-free” zones during meals or at bedtime is a practical step. Additionally, acknowledging interruptions when phone use is necessary can foster understanding and respect. Open discussions about phone boundaries can further enhance relationship quality and ensure both partners feel valued.

In summary, while smartphones play an integral role in everyday life, the choice to be present with one’s partner carries significant weight. By prioritizing connection over digital distractions, couples can strengthen their relationships. As Hart and Carnelley suggest, when you put down your phone, you pick up your relationship.