Understanding ‘Sense of Presence’ Experiences During Grief

As the holiday season approaches, many individuals experience heightened feelings of grief alongside joy. The emphasis on family gatherings often brings to the forefront those who are no longer present, leading some to report moments of sensing the deceased in their surroundings. This phenomenon, termed “sense of presence,” has been the subject of scientific inquiry, revealing intriguing insights into the grieving process.

The term “sense of presence” refers to fleeting experiences where individuals feel the presence of a loved one who has passed away. These moments can manifest in various forms, such as a familiar scent, a sudden vision, or a comforting touch. Research indicates that between 47 percent and 82 percent of bereaved individuals report experiencing such phenomena, according to studies referenced in a review published in 2020.

In my own research, I interviewed 26 bereaved individuals across New Zealand, Australia, Canada, and the United States. Participants came from diverse cultural backgrounds, both religious and non-religious. Their accounts were strikingly similar, suggesting that the sense of someone’s presence correlates more closely with the emotional bond shared with the deceased rather than specific spiritual beliefs or cultural practices.

Many participants described these experiences occurring during times of emotional need. For instance, one individual recounted feeling a loved one’s arm around their shoulders while sitting alone at a dining table, reminiscent of past family gatherings. Another described smelling cigar smoke and seeing their grandfather, expressing surprise at the comforting familiarity of the encounter.

These experiences are not new. A significant study led by psychiatrist William Dewi Rees in 1971 revealed that nearly 40 percent of 293 widowed individuals in Wales reported sensing their deceased spouses. Rees championed the idea that such experiences were common, non-clinical, and often comforting, yet for decades, many in the psychiatric community viewed them as either hallucinations or inherently spiritual phenomena, overshadowing the psychological explanations that resonated with those grieving.

A pivotal shift in understanding occurred with the introduction of the Continuing Bonds Theory in the 1990s. Proposed by researchers Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman, this theory posits that the sense of presence is neither unusual nor pathological but rather a sign of the bereaved individual’s continuing relationship with the deceased.

To further explore this concept, my research investigates the neurological underpinnings of the sense of presence. Early findings suggest that the brain maintains a “person network” that incorporates memories, emotions, and social perceptions associated with significant individuals. When a close person dies, the brain does not immediately adjust this network. Instead, it undergoes a gradual process of adaptation, acknowledging the loss while maintaining an ongoing internal connection.

This understanding reframes the sense of presence as a brief external manifestation of an internal representation. It captures how the brain’s stored model of a significant individual can influence perception, particularly during times of emotional need. This contrasts sharply with neurological phenomena, such as autoscopic hallucinations, which often feel unfamiliar or unsettling. In grief, the presence is almost universally recognized as belonging to the deceased, highlighting the importance of attachment, memory, and meaning in these experiences.

To delve deeper into these ideas, I am currently conducting an electroencephalogram (EEG) study to measure brain activity in response to different individuals within a participant’s social circle. Initial results indicate that each relationship activates its own distinct person network. Understanding these patterns may illuminate why some individuals continue to feel the presence of loved ones after their passing and how the brain sustains these significant connections.

The experiences of sensing a deceased loved one may offer a glimpse into how we carry meaningful relationships forward, especially during times that emphasize connection. Open discussions about these moments can enhance our understanding of a common aspect of grieving, particularly as the holiday season serves as a poignant reminder of both presence and absence.